How to Feel Safe in Your Body: Understanding Nervous System Regulation

When was the last time you truly felt safe?

Not just physically safe, with doors locked and no visible threat, but safe in your own body. Grounded, at ease, genuinely at home with yourself.

Many of us think about safety as something tied to our external environment, and although that kind of security is important, I have come to believe that lasting security begins within. Through body awareness, nervous system regulation, and anchoring rituals, we can cultivate an internal haven that transforms how we relate to ourselves and our emotions.

Recognizing Safety in the Body

For a long time, I did not realize that security is a physical sensation, not just an external circumstance. When I began meditating a few years ago, I noticed how shallow and rapid my breathing was. Consistent awareness taught me to breathe more deeply and calmly, which did not come as naturally as I had assumed.

While working as a psychologist in a rehabilitation clinic, I led group mindfulness sessions where we practiced Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR). This technique systematically tenses and relaxes different muscle groups to reduce stress, with breathing as a key part of the process: you inhale deeply while tensing a muscle, hold it briefly, then exhale slowly as you release the tension. Through this, I realized that my shoulders, and those of most of the participants, were almost always tense and raised. It had become our “normal,” so much so that we no longer recognized it.

Just a quick test for you, how do your shoulders feel? How does your body feel, where can you feel a sense of calm or a sense of restlessness?

On the days I do feel physically secure, I am more centered, stronger, and self-confident. It is as though everything slows down, my breath is steady, and I have a quiet certainty that whatever I do or say will be alright.

Then there are moments when I lose that stability. I become fidgety, anxious, and fearful of judgment or mistakes. Looking back, I see how I relied on my ex-partner for even the smallest decisions because I did not feel safe, either in my body or in that relationship.

Meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises have helped me ease back into a steady rhythm, giving me a new sense of sovereignty in everyday life. Yet I never consciously linked physical awareness with safety until last week, when a seemingly trivial incident caused me to rethink that connection.

The Moment I Lost My Sense of Security

I was in Vienna with my partner, enjoying the sunshine, admiring the architecture, and strolling through wide streets. I felt perfectly at ease. Yet once we were back home in Berlin, a wave of panic hit me: my noise-canceling headphones were missing.

I searched everywhere, turning my bag inside out again and again. My heart raced, my breathing grew shallow, and I felt as though the ground had slipped from beneath my feet. Eventually, I had to accept that the headphones were gone, but somehow it felt like more than simply losing an object.

Security Is Often a Matter of the Body

It took me a few days to understand: I had written every single blog post with those headphones on. They were my ritual. The weight on my head, the gentle enclosing of my ears—it was more than just noise cancellation. It was a sense of security.

I value peace and quiet immensely. It is incredibly important to me to sometimes zone out from this noisy, loud, hectic world. I grew up in a busy family and as much as I loved all memebers, I also needed space. As a child, I quite literally escaped outside. I needed freedom, safety—the knowledge that no one would disturb me or demand my attention when all I wanted was to linger with my thoughts or a book.

Maybe it’s my introverted tendencies. Maybe it’s my way of maintaining emotional independence or soothing my nervous system. Especially in a constantly changing environment, moving between shared apartments and commuting for my long-distance relationship over the past few months, my headphones became an anchor. They gave me a personal space of calm and focus, something I hadn’t recognized as security until they were gone. Just as a weighted blanket can soothe your stress response, my headphones gave me a sense of containment and predictability. Losing them wasn’t just about the object—it revealed how much I relied on an external tool for inner security.

This realization made me think about how often we depend on external supports, like noise-canceling headphones, routines, or even relationships, to feel secure. But what happens when those anchors fade away? As I reflected, I noticed my body already had its own subtle ways of self-regulating, even without external aids.

Humming, Singing, Shaking – When the Body Calms Itself

A few days after the headphone incident, I noticed I hum to myself. Sometimes I sing or whistle, whether I’m alone, energized, nervous, or simply content. And every time, it brings me comfort.

That’s no coincidence. Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing (SE), explains that our bodies store stress, often in subtle ways. By humming, singing, or moving rhythmically, we let the body discharge built-up tension and return to equilibrium. These instinctive actions help prevent stress from burrowing deep and turning into chronic tightness or nervous system overwhelm. While SE is still gaining broader scientific attention, its promise in trauma recovery is significant, showing that physically releasing stored stress can spark a powerful sense of security within.

Rhythm, in general, has an almost magical effect. Parents naturally rock their babies to sleep, and that gentle sway carries a feeling of safety into adulthood. Ever caught yourself tapping your fingers? It’s a simple gesture, yet it taps into the same calming force of rhythm—a deep, wordless reassurance that the body knows how to find its own balance.

Practical Techniques to Cultivate Inner Safety

Regulating your nervous system isn’t about suppressing emotions but about finding ways to return to a state of balance. Concepts like Dr. Dan Siegel’s "window of tolerance" describe how each of us has an optimal zone of emotional arousal where we function best. When we step outside of this zone, whether into anxiety and hyperarousal or numbness and shutdown, simple practices can help bring us back to center.

• One of the most effective tools is mindful breathing. Taking slow, intentional breaths signals safety to the body, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps counteract stress. A simple technique is to inhale gently for four seconds, hold briefly, then exhale for four seconds. With each cycle, notice how your chest rises and falls, how your belly expands and softens. This small act of awareness can help bring you back into the present moment and cultivate a sense of calm.
• Another way to reconnect with the body is through grounding exercises. When stress or anxiety pulls you into spiraling thoughts, shifting your attention to your senses can anchor you in the here and now. A useful method is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: identify five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This process helps interrupt anxious loops and re-establish a connection with the present.
• And my favorite: Shaking! This technique might feel unconventional, but it’s incredibly effective. In the animal world, it’s common to see a dog shake itself off after an intense moment. This natural response helps discharge excess stress energy, preventing it from staying trapped in the body. And we can just do the same. Go for it and try it!

‘The Good Girl’

But here’s the thing, my nervous system wasn’t just disregulated by stress; it had been shaped by years of conditioned responses. I had unknowingly used all these regulation techniques once in a while, yet I never truly understood why I needed them in the first place.

For years, I never asked myself: Do I feel safe right now? Right here?

I had gotten so used to being the “nice girl,” to saying “I’m fine” even when I wasn’t. As an empathic person, I smiled at the person in front of me, always gentle, always aware of their needs. But where was my awareness of myself? My own body? It took me years to even dare to ask: Am I truly okay with this? Like, really okay?

Looking back, I feel sadness and anger for all the moments when I didn’t check in with myself, on dates, in friendships, constantly trying not to be a burden, to be uncomplicated, easygoing. I hadn’t learned how to draw proper boundaries. Instead, I tend to look outward, even choosing to study psychology and becoming skilled at holding space for others. But when I always tend to the other, when am I tending to myself?

Last week, I attended a three-day workshop led by Sophia Fritz and Christina Lehr that explored the “good girl” tendencies so many of us carry—especially those socialized as female. It was truly eye-opening (and I highly recommend it for my German-speaking readers). I’ve always valued empathy and warmth in myself, yet I see how deeply rooted the urge to please can be: we place others’ needs first, often before we even reflect on our own. I’m only now beginning to understand the impact this conditioning has had on my life and choices so far.

For the moment, I’ve decided to focus on regulating my nervous system and creating a genuine sense of safety within my body, an essential skill I seem to have missed along the way. I trust that the insight and clarity I seek lie waiting inside me, ready to surface once I feel free to express whatever arises. As psychotherapist Clarissa Pinkola Estés affirms in Women Who Run With the Wolves:

“Within every woman, there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing.”

True Security Comes from Within

I just ordered new headphones, and I am looking forward to using them again. Still, losing my old pair showed me how much I relied on them for a sense of calm. While external aids like headphones can help, real safety is something we cultivate from the inside out. Through breath, movement, or mindful rituals, we can anchor ourselves in any moment.

I invite you to choose one simple practice today, whether it is intentional breathing, shaking out tension, or taking a quiet moment to check in with your body, and see how it shifts your sense of security. I would love to hear what supports you. Feel free to share in the comments or simply take note for yourself. Above all, remember that your body holds an incredible capacity for calm and renewal. The more we attend to our inner world, the more we reclaim our own safety, no matter how turbulent life may seem.

Thank you for reading 🤍